it's their gain, your loss, and my disappointment.
somehow, i'm so darn disappointed.
even a teensy weensy bit angry.
why didn't you go for it?
why didn't you try?
the place could have gone to you.
same situation.
almost the exact same situation.
they got it!
maybe you could have, i don't know.
but there was such a huge chance.
so big.
i know, you're still happy with what you've got now,
so maybe if i had been more irritating and pushed you to try, and you actually got it,
you might not be happy.
but to be honest, put up with an irritating person and get what you want or give it up to avoid the irritating person?
to be, i rather choose the former.
and yes, i still haven't gotten over it.
i said i will, i have,
but i realised i haven't.
and somehow, it makes it all worse now.
i ask myself this so much:
WHY is this happening,
WHY this and that,
WHY yadaladadadadadblahblah.
i know, i'm pretty annoying at times, i'm overly sensitive,
i'm such a horrible person who neglects everyone,
i always want my way.
so i shouldn't be asking so many 'WHYs' since i kinda deserved it?
but others don't deserve it, yet they still have to ask 'why'.
yeap, i'm talking this whole chunk of rubbish.
i'm selfish.
but i rather be selfish for the good of someone else.
maybe i don't deserve you, or anyone at all.
i've let down so many people,
maybe including you.
and i'm not trying to wallow myself in self-reproach.
i just need somewhere to let it all out.
maybe saying all this has no point.
you don't even come by, you won't even see this.
probably to you, if you got that instead of what you have now,
you'll probably feel less happy.
i know, i'll leave stuff as it is,
but i'll just have you know i still can't get over it,
and no matter how much you talk to me about it,
no matter how much you convince me to let it go,
i still can't.
but i very much want to let go.
you know it.
but i can't.
Labels: scream